My dearest Manly,
I’m starting something new today- for the next 27 days of this October, until our six year anniversary on the 27th, I’ll be writing a tid bit a day about us. About being us. About finding us. About looking forward to us.
We often say that we’ve been to hell and back with someone we really didn’t know, haven’t we? We’ve often said that most marriages don’t survive the hell we’ve been through, don’t we? We often say that we don’t know how we’ve been staying in it and going through it like we have, haven’t we?
Somehow through all this shit of spending months apart as newlyweds, of having bad habits and poor attitudes, of arguing with each other and being hurt by each other, of getting pregnant when we didn’t want to be, of waking up to our daughter being gone, of tragically trying to save her life, of going home void and lifeless without our daughter, of conceiving and trying to save our second daughter, of buying and fixing up our first home, of struggling and writhing and wrestling with each other through our pain and grief and trauma, of conceiving our third child in three years and falling into the pits of despair and turmoil again, of giving birth to our son in our new home, of seeing each other through highs and lows and losses and successes…. ALL THAT NONSENSE. Somehow: Someone has made sense of it and that being I should be with you and should be with me.
It doesn’t make sense. All these things we’ve been through don’t make sense. But, it makes sense to be with you. I’ve had my worst hurts with you and I’ve grown to heal with you. Now I know I’m safe with you. We’re better together in weathering the storms of this broken world.
Thank you for growing in grief with me. Thank you for suffering with me. Thank you for trusting with me. Thank you for walking beside me. Thank you for seeking healing and wholeness with me.
I love you, Manly. You’re my best friend.