Month: March 2018

Letter: Being Two

Good morning, Little Person. If there comes a day when I’m not with you and I can’t be your Mama on earth, I hope you’ll read these letters. I hope you’ll see wisdom and your Mama’s silly ways; I hope you’ll hear Truth and Love and Grace; I hope you’ll feel loved and understood and feel connected, even if we can’t be for some reason. I hope you’ll laugh and maybe even call me ridiculous 😉 For today I’m with you and you’re two, and I’d like for you to know now that you’re old enough to read this- sometimes I don’t like it when you’re two. Lord have mercy. (I repeat that phrase often throughout the day, because I’m serious- we need mercy.) I’m up in the nursery feeding your brother who’s seven months and you’re downstairs listening to an audio book. I can hear the bang of wood against wood as you keep pushing yourself away from the kitchen table while strapped into your high chair since you’re supposed to be eating breakfast …

God: With Me

It’s been a year now since I was pregnant with my Little Bear, and it’s taken me that long to process how truly difficult those nine months were. Carrying him was such a deep -and dark at times- struggle. I did not want to be pregnant that year. Since Heidi and Everley were born seven months apart, the last thing I thought wise would be to conceive when Everley was just over a year old. Turns out, I was right. My body took a beating with the third pregnancy. I had multiple infections- one of them was in my finger nail which limited me in many ways and was a slow painful process to heal. My stress levels were through the roof- I couldn’t sleep normally anymore; I couldn’t relax in social situations; I felt lonely and scared and fearful all the time; I desperately wanted to give birth at home but my husband couldn’t emotionally invest in my fears & hopes; I was constantly tired and at times emotionally distant from my toddler daughter. …