All posts tagged: books

Together: In the Storm

Many of you, my friends, are petitioning God for relief at this juncture in your life. Maybe you’ve lost another child, maybe you’re in the hospital with a serious illness, maybe you’re alone and lonely, maybe you doubt your marriage will be restored, maybe you don’t know how to escape from your abuser. My friend, I am praying for you today. Fervently, continually, faithfully, passionately. I have been to very dark places in my journey with Jesus. Have you heard of the book Hind’s Feet in High Places? I love that little book. I read it as a teenager and cried my way through the allegory. Much-Afraid’s journey is much like my own… When I wonder about life, when I am tempted to despair, when I question God’s choices, when I feel overwhelmed- I envision myself walking on the beach with God. By His side, watching His pierced feet press into the sand, reaching out to hold His hand as He reaches for mine, sensing His understanding as I walk with my head down and …

Through the Window :: a Light

At the window I stand, staring through a dusky pane out at the clouded horizon. The weight of gathering shadows overhead are like the weight of growing doubt in my heart. There is a dim sliver of light at the far edge of the horizon. When I am alone and lonely, I wonder if I should let my gaze fall heavy into the clouds or if I should strain my gaze into the small beam of light. And then I read, “The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble; and those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.” At the window I stand, watching the dim sliver of light as it grows brighter. The weight of the clouds still hang low, but the weight of my heart is lifting. When I am alone and troubled, I realize that the Light has always been there, that it has never dwindled, flickered, shifted, or faded …

Pooped: Five Tidbits

That’s a catchy title, isn’t it? Ahahahaha! ;P So, painting a couch, hosting 30 family members for Easter, reuniting with friends, maintaining some semblance of routine, traipsing off to San Francisco for a week…… Noooooo, we haven’t been busy a’tall! I’m too tired to poop out of parties, as Lucy would say. But my husband and I have been keeping it real here, despite our crazy schedule, because we just  like to keep each other on our toes ;P Every marriage has a crazy cycle, and we stay on ours for good exercise. Not! In the midst of doing life, I’ve been learning and pondering and discovering and wrestling and learning again….. So here’s a round-up of five topics I’ve been, you know, tossing around…. 1. Baby – Sun up to sun down, and even after so it goes, she is my companion come rain or come shine. And as a result I never get anything else done! Haha. I’ve discovered that bath time is the perfect time to clean the bathroom itself, because otherwise I’m …

The Struggle :: Why Me?

Have you ever wondered, “Why me?” My guess is that most of us have asked that at least once. Questions like this: Why did I get caught in that traffic accident? Why did I have to suffer that injury? Why did I get stuck growing up in that freak house? Why did I have an abuser? Why do I wrestle with these addictions every day? We’re human, right? Every human questions life itself, the reason for being, and the Master Mind behind it all. I mean, we’re only human – we’re frail, tossed about by the winds of change, limited in our understanding, cautious, fearful of the next curve ball. It’s only natural. You wanna know what my big question is? …. Why did it have to be me that held my firstborn daughter in my arms to wake up and find she was dead? Which then begs these other gnawing questions: Why did I have to suffer that trauma of losing her? Why did she have to die? Why do my husband and I …

Keeping Calm: Coloring On

This morning my dogs and my baby woke me at 6am and neither party had any interest in sleeping past o-dark-thirty. I flopped about on my pillow, trying to ignore the whimper at the door and the gurgling coos from the bassinet. I thought to myself, “If I get up with these hooligans now, how many cups of coffee will I need to survive?” Alas, I knew better than to give into the desire for loads of caffeine, since it makes my mind race and gives me heart palpitations. I opted for waking up on the right side of the bed – determined to start the day fresh and with that good ol’ verse of purpose – “This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!” I made the bed for starters; for some reason if I take the time to just do that then I gain momentum to keep going. I dressed the Little Person, made myself breakfast, took care of the animals, baked bread, tidied up …

Blizzard :: Blogging

You should see the blizzard conditions outside the windows of this old farmhouse. Fields and fields of white! It’s a pretty impressive whiteout right now. Well, maybe you’re like me, cozied up in a nordic knit with a side of bacon and a hot drink. (Don’t add too much rum to it, now? 😉 I have some time to think and to write. Unlike recently. I can’t remember when I last posted something. To be honest – which I assume is what you expect as the reader of a blog – I’ve hit a whole new level of grief. The truth is – which you can’t relate to unless you’ve experienced some level of grief in your life – I’ve been locked up in my own fears and doubts and anger. I’ve been trapped in my fear of the next worst possible scenario, trapped in my doubt that God isn’t compassionate, trapped in my anger that Heidi isn’t here. That’s the gist of it. There’s a whole lot more ugly, but I’m sparing you and …

Friday: Junk Food

TGIF! So that means: be lazy, don’t sweep, eat junk food, cruise through Costco. FTW! Manly will be tied down for the next week, so we took advantage of this crazy fog and celebrated despite the freeze. For a mother who literally got four hours of sleep the night before, I didn’t feel too shabby today! Little Hiccup sleeps pretty well except for when her apnea monitor alarms constantly for three hours straight. Then nobody sleeps well and we’re all pins and needles! Like last night…. Since Baby E was in the NICU for six weeks after she was born, we requested a home monitor so that we would be aware of a slow heart rate or episodes of apnea. Fortunately, she doesn’t often stop breathing for twenty seconds at a time, but when she has she self recovers without needing physical stimulation. Likewise with the slower heart rate. Well…. Last night her heart dropped below 70 beats per minute multiple times in succession. I fell asleep around 10:30, woke up to her first alarm at 11:00, …

Giving: Gifts for the Grieving

My love language is certainly gift giving; I find much joy in receiving a simple well intentioned gift from a loved one, and I thrill in thinking up what sorts of gifts to give someone for any occasion. Naturally, it meant a great deal to receive meaningful gifts our first Christmas without our daughter Heidi. Since she was born in November and we had anticipated sharing those nostalgic winter holidays with her, we barely made it through the season. But many friends, and others we don’t even know, reached out to us with presents for our pain. We’ve decided to use Heidi’s stocking to fill each Christmas with gifts for those we know are suffering. Since we’re in the midst of the twelve days of Christmas, here’s a list of twelve gift ideas for the grieving: I received a crocheted purple prayer shawl, which I loved curling up with while reading and contemplating on those dark somber winter days. Obviously I love to read and a childhood friend saw that I was pinning many books …

Breakfasts: Peaches & Almonds

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0Est7seheM It seems appropriate to say that, pregnant or not, first and second breakfasts should just be a staple of life. I agree with Pippin. Food is a necessary means of enjoying everything else. It’s always good to start the day and live the day and finish the day with good food.