All posts filed under: Motherhood

Mother: Tears & Wings

Published by BleuBird Mama

Mother’s Day 2015 I screamed out from the depth of my soul and shouted into the wind through rushing tears, “I just want my first daughter back. Please, why can’t I have her? Why is she gone?” My husband stood by speechless, sullen, torn, unable to comfort. Mother’s Day 2016 I kiss the tender tears of my second daughter, hold her to my breast, pray for her through Jesus, and bless the Lord for His mercy toward me. My husband and I drink in her sweet smell and listen to the music of her coos.       I am a wounded woman but I am not a broken woman. I am the mother of two daughters – a precious bluebird flown to Heaven and her little sister with tiny wings.    

To: Little Person

Published by BleuBird Mama

Dear Sweet Little Person, That’s what I call you most of the time. Little Person. It just seems to suit you. You sure are adorable. I look forward to starting every day with you, to dressing you in fashionable little outfits, to nursing you, laughing with you, dancing with you, getting you up from a nap. You smile all day long, it seems, and even when I’ve been out of sorts about something you’re still happy. What a blessing you have been to your grieving parents. We didn’t know we needed you, but God knew we needed you. I often wonder who you will be and what you will show me about life. I’m almost certain you’ll be a charmer and flirter (much to your father’s chagrin! šŸ˜‰ ). I have so many ideas of things you could do and things you might love. Will you love playing with dolls like I did? Would you enjoy doing martial arts? What about horse-back riding (we really want you take lessons!)? Will you care for every fuzzy …

Trust: Amidst the Unknown

Published by BleuBird Mama

October 19th, 2014 I wrote a letter to my husband about the anticipated arrival of our treasured firstborn daughter. She was born a few days later on November first. August 14th, 2015 I wrote a letter to God about the anticipated arrival of our second precious daughter. She was born a few days later August twenty-first. Recording ideas and feelings can be a simple process of putting pen to paper. But the process was more than that when I wrote what I wrote. In retrospect I believe it was inspired by the Holy Spirit. It’s as if the paper has now come to life loudly proclaiming that my wishes and my prayers were heard, yes, and specifically, profoundly answered in my times of need….   A portion of the letter I wrote to my husband before Heidi Lee’s birth: “We don’t know when she’ll arrive. She is due November fifteenth, but she may come any time between now and early December. May her debut be as soft and glowy and subtle as these late fall …

Curious: Belly Bubble

Published by BleuBird Mama

Autumn is a subdued, settled season for me. The slide from red to orange to brown and then the slump into gray mellows me into contemplative, introverted, creative solitude. How aproposĀ that I should be having my first child during this season as it affords me the luxury of misty mornings, crisp afternoons, subtle evenings; I relax and rest and quietly nest and wait in our little abode on the hill.

The Mommy Diaries (3)

Published by BleuBird Mama

I often look myself in the mirror and say, “I can’t believe you’re having a kid. You’re still a kid.” Alas, we are all children when we have children. It seems that is just how God designed it to be. When I was a kid, I really liked to dress up and… imagine that… I still like to dress up! I guess because I never grew up, haha. I’ve been finding new ways to wear outfits with this third trimester belly. Amazingly enough, there are only four more weeks left until Baby Girl’s due date. I wouldn’t be surprised if she delays her debut, so it actually could be seven more weeks till we get to meet her. Ah, C’est la vie. In any case, it seems it’s a gradual change of season from warmer to cooler, and I am still getting by with a few non-maternity sweater tops from last year’s wardrobe and some of my favorite maternity staples.

Birth: Feeling at Home

Published by BleuBird Mama

A close friend of mine recently asked me about my choice to give birth at home. I know many women who have given birth with a midwifery practice, but I also know many who have given birth in a medical facility. Contrary to what some may assume of my philosophy, I do not believe that giving birth naturally or in the home is the “right” way to deliver a child; rather, I believe that birth is a matter of personal choice and conviction and should be considered wisely and informatively.

The Mommy Diaries

Published by BleuBird Mama

They say that you glow when you’re pregnant … I don’t know that I’ve been glowing. Or at least, I don’t know that I’ve been rejoicing as much as I’ve been resisting. You see, I really didn’t want to get pregnant. Not only that, I didn’t want to have to change. Not a damn thing. I just wanted to keep going on my merry way of self-justification and entitlement. Well, I guess that’s had to change … Is it a glow when God smacks me across the face with a dose of gracious sovereignty? Or are those just stinging rosy cheeks?  

Camp: Quirky // Kids

Published by BleuBird Mama

I have this favorite blogger who keeps me laughing with every post about her crazy family and inspires me with her sense of style. Grace & Simon Patton have had four children in four years – Julia, Sebastian, Theo & Phoebe – while her husband has been in med school and working extensive shift hours. Somehow, this little family just chooses to roll with the punches of everyday life and the unpredictability of four little children. I hope that they actually laugh as much as their sarcasm suggests they might …

Mommyhood: Satchel 'n Stuff

Published by BleuBird Mama

I like to be prepared … Actually, I just like items that help make preparedness possible. I am such a rattle head random woman that if I don’t have a designated satchel for all that stuff that somehow floats to anywhere and everywhere between the house and car I will lose my loose marbles and my husband won’t even know where to begin finding them …