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The Mommy Diaries

They say that you glow when you’re pregnant …

I don’t know that I’ve been glowing. Or at least, I don’t know that I’ve been rejoicing as much as I’ve been resisting. You see, I really didn’t want to get pregnant. Not only that, I didn’t want to have to change. Not a damn thing. I just wanted to keep going on my merry way of self-justification and entitlement. Well, I guess that’s had to change …

Is it a glow when God smacks me across the face with a dose of gracious sovereignty? Or are those just stinging rosy cheeks?

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Glow or no glow, God’s grace is sufficient even for the stubborn heart. I say that on the basis of knowing His character. He is perfect, without fault, and full of all goodness that exists; as told in the book of Deuteronomy by Moses & Joshua who sang to the chosen people of God’s character so that they would pass on the great heritage of faith to their children, “His work is perfect, for all His ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is He” (Deut. 32:3-5). He is peaceful and just in all His ways; as told by the prophet Isaiah when referencing the coming Messiah who is the “Prince of Peace” (Is. 9:6). Since I am His child by means of grace, I know that He will only do what is best according to His intentions; as described by the Apostle Paul in his letter to the Christians of Ephesus, “In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight” (Eph. 1:7-8). I don’t have to like it when His intentions are other than mine. But I do have to submit to His will in faith that the good work He has begun in my life will be continued and completed; as expressed by Apostles Paul & Timothy in their encouragement to the Philippian Christians, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:3-11).

They say that your body changes and you feel like a different woman when you’re pregnant …

I’ve found that my body hasn’t changed nearly as much as I would’ve expected it to. I’m more than okay with that. I’m actually relieved. I only had my mother to rely on for genetic-type influence, and she felt like a blimp every time she was pregnant (whether or not she actually looked like one). I figured I’d feel like my mom. Fortunately, humbly, I am grateful to the Lord for allowing my body to stay fit and strong and capable. I haven’t been bloated or swollen much, and I’ve been able to walk and jog and swim and even ride the water slides at the amusement park.

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They say that you should sleep a lot when you’re pregnant …

Well, yea, it’s a lot of work making and growing a human being! I have enjoyed and relished every morsel of sleep I’ve gotten with this pregnancy, and I dread giving up my beauty grog for more munchkins. But so it goes, dying to self and giving to those I love.

My husband was gracious enough to allow me a third vacation just before the change of season. I finished with my position as a Vision Therapist in late August, and I left the following week with my good friend to rent a beach house in the Outer Banks. It was just the recipe for rest and relaxation I needed after several hectic weeks of travel and plans and projects.

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They say that you should be careful what you eat when you’re pregnant …

Let’s just say that I love to bake and try to squelch the sweet tooth. But there’s only so much a girl can do when she’s got the cravings, right? Baby girl and I will just enjoy our occasional cupcakes and salt water taffy, thank you very much.

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They say that you’re a mother the moment your child is conceived …

That has been the most difficult part of this transition for me to embrace. Yet, I grew up around children and big families, I was a nanny for years, I have worked in special education, and I love (I mean truly cherish) other people’s children. Whenever I see a baby in the grocery store, I smile; whenever I see a toddler passing by, I wave to him; whenever I hold a baby, I feel at home; whenever I take care of children, I feel alive.

So why would I struggle to embrace the gift of a child in my own body? I don’t know. I’m not sure how to answer that. Maybe I never will. But my struggle is not outside of the loving arms of God; in the covenant of grace, Moses assured the Israelites of the promise that is true today, “The eternal God is your dwelling place, and underneath are the everlasting arms” (Deut. 33:27). The Lord made this child of ours for His own purposes, and He will make her life beautiful; this is the promise that King David, who was of the lineage of Jesus, recited and it is extended to our daughter as we are in a covenant relationship with Christ, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth… in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139) Amazingly, I get to be part of and watch the beautiful unfolding. And my life will be changed. For the better.


In the hands of the potter,

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