Year: 2016

Look Out :: Heidi Lee

Published by BleuBird Mama

Heidigirl, I bet you’ll be my best pregnancy and my best birth. I was at my best when I carried you and when I brought you into this world. Do you remember all the things we did and all the moments we shared? Do you remember being born at lightning speed? I want to relive the memories with you, Heidi Lee, so you wanna look at some pictures with me? Your Daddy and I were SHOCKED- to put it mildly- that we were having a baby. We wanted to keep the announcement on the DL, so we waited till you’d been around for 16 weeks, and then we had these pictures taken on Memorial Day weekend (by the ever talented Abby Vencil & Emma Potter- they both got to meet you when you were born, remember?). Good ol’ Luke- he was getting worn out from a life well lived, but he kept himself going till you came along. And good little Molle…. I’m sure you remember all the crazy loud, ridiculously wacky moments I had with …

Kiddo :: Diddo

Published by BleuBird Mama

Dear Little Hiccup, I never thought I’d be able to say again “You are my sunshine” after your sister Heidi passed away. I never thought I’d share her clothes, her toys, her quilts, her rocking chair with another baby. I just figured my heart wasn’t big enough and that God wasn’t going to give us another child. I want you to know that even though your Daddy and I miss your big sister a ton, we don’t love you less than we love her and we don’t love you more than we love her. We love you because God gave us you. We love you because you’re you. We love you because you are precious, because you have an eternal soul. You keep your Mama laughing, KiddoDiddo. You give me reason to live. You make me want to try harder. You make me want to keep living. You make me want to be the best I can be. You make me want to love deeper and sweeter. Wherever you go in life, keep doing that, …

Through the Window :: a Light

Published by BleuBird Mama

At the window I stand, staring through a dusky pane out at the clouded horizon. The weight of gathering shadows overhead are like the weight of growing doubt in my heart. There is a dim sliver of light at the far edge of the horizon. When I am alone and lonely, I wonder if I should let my gaze fall heavy into the clouds or if I should strain my gaze into the small beam of light. And then I read, “The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in time of trouble; and those who know Your name will put their trust in You, for You, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek You.” At the window I stand, watching the dim sliver of light as it grows brighter. The weight of the clouds still hang low, but the weight of my heart is lifting. When I am alone and troubled, I realize that the Light has always been there, that it has never dwindled, flickered, shifted, or faded …

Mother: Tears & Wings

Published by BleuBird Mama

Mother’s Day 2015 I screamed out from the depth of my soul and shouted into the wind through rushing tears, “I just want my first daughter back. Please, why can’t I have her? Why is she gone?” My husband stood by speechless, sullen, torn, unable to comfort. Mother’s Day 2016 I kiss the tender tears of my second daughter, hold her to my breast, pray for her through Jesus, and bless the Lord for His mercy toward me. My husband and I drink in her sweet smell and listen to the music of her coos.       I am a wounded woman but I am not a broken woman. I am the mother of two daughters – a precious bluebird flown to Heaven and her little sister with tiny wings.    

Pooped: Five Tidbits

Published by BleuBird Mama

That’s a catchy title, isn’t it? Ahahahaha! ;P So, painting a couch, hosting 30 family members for Easter, reuniting with friends, maintaining some semblance of routine, traipsing off to San Francisco for a week…… Noooooo, we haven’t been busy a’tall! I’m too tired to poop out of parties, as Lucy would say. But my husband and I have been keeping it real here, despite our crazy schedule, because we just  like to keep each other on our toes ;P Every marriage has a crazy cycle, and we stay on ours for good exercise. Not! In the midst of doing life, I’ve been learning and pondering and discovering and wrestling and learning again….. So here’s a round-up of five topics I’ve been, you know, tossing around…. 1. Baby – Sun up to sun down, and even after so it goes, she is my companion come rain or come shine. And as a result I never get anything else done! Haha. I’ve discovered that bath time is the perfect time to clean the bathroom itself, because otherwise I’m …

How-to Create A Survey for Research

Published by BleuBird Mama

Entire site line or portable protection -by-line? Why do you Make Use of A Portable Protection? For Work With research To digitize my personal favorite publications and textbooks For scanning items not on paper (like rock identities) OtherSee outcomes without voting The things they Offer You can find as numerous uses for record http://essay-company.co.uk/buy-essay readers that are mobile as you will find persons. Typically the most popular software is most likely for anybody studying in libraries that are public areas or university.

How to Defeat Deficiencies In Instructional Assurance

Published by BleuBird Mama

The Internal Revenue Service allows people to withhold expenditures related to using truck or a car for business functions. Most of the people choose to get, when you might elect to write off the particular costs of using a car for company. Nevertheless, you cant just imagine at your company miles. The government requires one to maintain records to demonstrate the miles you take are precise and were certainly for business reasons. IRS Requirements IRS laws for citizens who elect to deduct the conventional mileage rate demand a sign exhibiting "miles visited, business function and location." You do not incorporate this record with all the duty forms you publish at the end of the year, but you must keep it as proof if the government concerns your mileage reduction.

a Conversation :: Clay to Potter

Published by BleuBird Mama

I said to the Potter, “Why have you made me this way? Why must I be in pain?” I heard in my spirit, “My power is made perfect in your weakness. My shaping is making you a treasured vessel. I am the Potter, and you are the clay. You are the work of My hands.” I wept bitterly and answered, “But I don’t understand. My heart is broken. I will live with this pain, this crack in my vessel, for the rest of my days.” I remembered in my soul the scriptures, “Draw near to Me and I will draw near to you.” I proclaimed in earnest, “You are the Potter. You are Sovereign. You are Elkanah. You are a covenant keeping God. You are righteous in all Your ways. You are for me and not against me. You will not forsake me… …When I am afraid, I will trust in You.” I knew deep in my being that My Creator replied, “You are mine and I love you.”  

Honesty: Grief & Trauma

Published by BleuBird Mama

You know that old adage- “Honesty is the best policy”? Well, sometimes I wonder if we’re truly honest with ourselves. Are we truly honest enough about our own frustrations, failures, and fears to… change? Change what, you might be wondering…. Three and a half years ago when my husband and I got married, we would never have imagined we’d face the hardships we’ve experienced. Not only do we have opposite personalities, we also come from very different upbringings, and we have very different interests; every newly married couple has to work at understanding each other, but add to our scenario the fact that my husband was gone (military training) more than he was home the first two years of our marriage. We didn’t have time to get to know each other, to invest in one another, to build a life together. The tension was mounting between us, but we had our first unplanned baby on the way. And then she suddenly died a few days after she was born. We were already disconnected – add to that …

The Struggle :: Why Me?

Published by BleuBird Mama

Have you ever wondered, “Why me?” My guess is that most of us have asked that at least once. Questions like this: Why did I get caught in that traffic accident? Why did I have to suffer that injury? Why did I get stuck growing up in that freak house? Why did I have an abuser? Why do I wrestle with these addictions every day? We’re human, right? Every human questions life itself, the reason for being, and the Master Mind behind it all. I mean, we’re only human – we’re frail, tossed about by the winds of change, limited in our understanding, cautious, fearful of the next curve ball. It’s only natural. You wanna know what my big question is? …. Why did it have to be me that held my firstborn daughter in my arms to wake up and find she was dead? Which then begs these other gnawing questions: Why did I have to suffer that trauma of losing her? Why did she have to die? Why do my husband and I …