All posts tagged: life

Clay :: Lessons

Published by BleuBird Mama

Winter is setting in and since I currently keep my kick wheel on the front porch I have fewer and fewer opportunities to throw. This makes me rather sad. Such is the plight of a small country homeowner and young mama. A)Tiny house + big wheel B)Busy mama + bustling baby. Both factors are limiting.  However, I try to throw and trim and glaze whenever I get the chance. I love working the craft. It’s a satisfying process for me.  Pottery has become a deeply spiritual experience for me. I ask God before I throw, “Show me yourself. Show me how you are the Potter and how I am the clay. Mold and shape my life.” This poor little pitcher was a flop. Chubby wubby was a pitcher, chubby wubby was its handle. If you ever make a handle, don’t do it like that. I keep pieces like this so that I can examine my mistakes and experiment with the firing process; on this pitcher I’ve experimented for the first time with my underglaze watercolors.  …

Forever :: Friendship

Published by BleuBird Mama

It is difficult for our friends – who have not lost or suffered greatly – to understand and enter into the pain of those of us who are grieving. What can they do to lighten our darkness? What can they say to give hope? How can they unlock the cold devastation that has quarantined us? — My best best friend and I have a unique and unusual friendship. We have literally known each other our entire lives. We’ve never known life without each other. Born two months apart, our parents members of the same church, growing up the first five years in the same county, remaining pen pals half a world apart for eight years, living together part of high school, meeting our spouses online and marrying six months apart qualifies us as the most bonded best friends ever. In our opinion 😉 We’re quite obviously sisters from another mother since we’re a foot apart in height, she’s the natural beauty and I’m plain jane.  But when Heidi died I didn’t hear from her. My …

a Fair Story

Published by BleuBird Mama

This time last year we were reeling from Everley’s sudden birth, still grappling with Heidi’s sudden passing just seven months prior, knocking holes in our bedroom walls to make room for a bassinet, and grasping for breath in the midst of crises and change and chaos.  My body felt like it’d been hit by a Mack truck after the caesarean and  I was still being wheeled to the NICU two weeks postpartum.    So we decided to go to the Fair. “What?” Yes. It sounds dramatic because it was kind of dramatic.  But we were desperate to do something normal, to spend time just the two of us, to let our worries go, to relax and blend into a crowd. We’d had tickets to a country concert at the county fair. We got the green light from nurses and doctors who were overseeing Everley, and though some said I’d never make it up the grand stand because I was still too weak, I not only made it…. I climbed (hobbled actually) to the very top.  …

Pattern of :: a Weathered Life

Published by BleuBird Mama

Fussy, teething, desperate-to-nap babies don’t do so well at church. While she rests and restores with morning slumber, I rest and restore in quiet reflection.  As I read the scriptures, snuggled up in my blue painted couch, I’m reminded of the storm that blew through our fields yesterday… And the correlation to the storms that have blown through our life in the past four years… Manly and I will celebrate four hard-earned years this October. By our third anniversary we’d been separated for a total of ten months, conceived two daughters, burying one a healthy child and watching the other hang by a thread in the hospital. We hardly knew each other though we’d lived a thousand lifetimes together.  We had a choice: to either weather the storms together or run to our own shelters. There have been times when we’ve done one instead of the other. There are periods when the storm is too intense for an individual soul and it’s, therefore, best to retreat alone. But we’ve always had a heart -even in …

Discouraged :: Encouraged

Published by BleuBird Mama

Who doesn’t love a good book and a good yoga routine? Well, I’m sure there are some of you who  don’t love those particular things and would rather do other things to start off your day, so if that’s the case comment below and share what you like to do with your morning! Last night I determined to set my alarm for 6am. It’s unusual and envious, I realize, but my near-one-year-old goes to bed early at night and wakes up late in the morning, so that affords me a little alone time that’s not just for cleaning and sleeping myself. I actually hate getting up early; I just don’t know how to start my day with energy; I’m a deep sleeper and I’m super groggy when I first wake up. But this morning, even though I didn’t sleep particularly well last night due to anxiety, I got up 45 minutes after my alarm (that’s a good record, seriously), fixed up a 4 ounce cup of coffee (that’s all this irregularly beating heart can handle), …

Why: Trust & Pray

Published by BleuBird Mama

Today I was hit yet again with the frailty of life. My husband subscribes to AR15, which is an online community of family oriented conservative firearm fanatics, and last year when Heidi passed he shared publicly his story of trying to revive her in the middle of the night and failing to bring her back even as a career paramedic. He stated in the post that he would still trust that God was in the midst of our dark sorrow and that God would remain faithful. Manly’s story was viewed over 10,000 times and he received more than 600 condolences from AR15 users. It was astounding. One man responded with just a picture, and this picture is worth more than 1,000 words: A year later, this same month when Heidi passed, another AR15 user posted that his fifteen month old son had suddenly died in his sleep days before. He wrote that the child seemed unwell though it wasn’t anything serious; their little boy was found lying face down not breathing in his crib and …