All posts tagged: 2016

Blizzard :: Blogging

Published by BleuBird Mama

You should see the blizzard conditions outside the windows of this old farmhouse. Fields and fields of white! It’s a pretty impressive whiteout right now. Well, maybe you’re like me, cozied up in a nordic knit with a side of bacon and a hot drink. (Don’t add too much rum to it, now? 😉 I have some time to think and to write. Unlike recently. I can’t remember when I last posted something. To be honest – which I assume is what you expect as the reader of a blog – I’ve hit a whole new level of grief. The truth is – which you can’t relate to unless you’ve experienced some level of grief in your life – I’ve been locked up in my own fears and doubts and anger. I’ve been trapped in my fear of the next worst possible scenario, trapped in my doubt that God isn’t compassionate, trapped in my anger that Heidi isn’t here. That’s the gist of it. There’s a whole lot more ugly, but I’m sparing you and …

Tomorrow :: Hope

Published by BleuBird Mama

Here I sit late at night, when I should be in bed, by the native pine that’s now drooping with the weight of homemade, wooden and yarn ornaments of memories from the past four Christmases. In the dim light of the twinkling tree I hear the quiet of the countryside and the chimes from the wind blowing by. And I’m thinking about “2016”, “Happy New Year, ” and “Hope for Tomorrow”…. You may say, “2014 was horrible because your daughter died. But 2015 was beautiful because your second daughter lived.” And then you might wonder, “So aren’t you happy about the future?” It’s difficult to explain, and if you’ve never lost like I have, you just won’t understand. But try to understand, just a little. We who suffer every day the devastating truth that our loved one is gone and is not coming back to us here look on to the future in a very different light. We are hopeful yet burdened, we are grateful yet bitter, we are healing yet wounded, we are blooming …

New :: Year

Published by BleuBird Mama

Maybe I’m like you, or you’re like me, or however it goes. Maybe you and I both get oober excited about the new things and New Year’s Resolutions! True confessions: every year I make a list of projects I want to accomplish, places I want to go, events I want to plan, and I always get a planner book so that I stay on track and stick to the calendar. You see, I love to have fun, all-year-long, so sometimes I get just a little carried away with having fun. If I keep a ledger for myself then I’ll remember that in the Spring I need to clean the house and not travel every weekend, or I’ll remember that I have to save money for my beach trip and not spend that money on a new seasonal wardrobe. The calendar keeps me structured and focused. Otherwise, I might end up on a cruise to the Bahamas in February on a whim ;P As Baby E gets older and a set routine suits her better, I …