Motherhood, Stories
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Trust: Amidst the Unknown

October 19th, 2014 I wrote a letter to my husband about the anticipated arrival of our treasured firstborn daughter. She was born a few days later on November first. August 14th, 2015 I wrote a letter to God about the anticipated arrival of our second precious daughter. She was born a few days later August twenty-first.

Recording ideas and feelings can be a simple process of putting pen to paper. But the process was more than that when I wrote what I wrote. In retrospect I believe it was inspired by the Holy Spirit. It’s as if the paper has now come to life loudly proclaiming that my wishes and my prayers were heard, yes, and specifically, profoundly answered in my times of need….


 

A portion of the letter I wrote to my husband before Heidi Lee’s birth:

“We don’t know when she’ll arrive. She is due November fifteenth, but she may come any time between now and early December. May her debut be as soft and glowy and subtle as these late fall and early winter months settle in; may she fall gracefully as the last leaf, settling into our warm golden hearts. I pray she will be a precious prized possession for you, as your first born, and that her first smile will light up your heart with adoring praise of God’s faithfulness to you. Even in the darkness of last winter’s cold February, when we faced our frailty, and we felt as though we were sliding across thin ice, God was faithful. He will be faithful even now in the unknown of her arrival.”

It’s fascinating, really, when I compare these hopes with the actual events of Heidi’s sudden arrival and departure days after I wrote that letter. She certainly did fall gracefully from the womb since I barely pushed and she slipped out into my arms almost simultaneously. Her tiny pink face completely charmed my husband’s heart, and he did praise God for bringing her into the world and our hearts. God absolutely showed us that, as unknown as both her arrival and departure were to us, He had knit together a “precious prized possession” and that He indeed would be faithful as we yet again slid onto thin ice.


 

My written prayer before Everley Marie’s arrival:

“Lord, I want this birth to be positive and uplifting like my first. I know it won’t be the same experience, but it holds the same purpose and meaning according to your design. I ask that You would graciously, tenderly, lovingly walk with me Yourself as I endure what You have set before me. May You see fit, find it favorable, to bless us with a beautiful and precious birth with this child. Remove from my heart uncertainty and fear. Help me embrace Your goodness, Your faithfulness, Your loyalty. Take care of our needs, Lord. Give us this child to raise.”

It’s incredible when I think of Heidi’s birth in the comforts of home compared to Everley’s birth in the cold operating room: Heidi came exactly as I’d hoped with no complications and all the sweetness of being new parents whereas Everley came quite unexpectedly with several complications yet all the grace we needed to be parents again. Truly, Evey Marie’s birth wasn’t the same experience as my first, but the Lord gave me a strong sense of His presenceĀ in the midst of hemorrhaging and an emergency cesarean. Even though Everley was delivered 8 weeks early, the Lord answered my prayers by protecting her and providing excellent medical care.


 

I’ve shared these testimonies with you as an affirmation to myself and to you that My God is True! His heart is true; His love is sure. This passage penned by a Psalmist during his own trials thousands of years ago knew then as I know now, “Trust in Him at all times, O People; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” (62:8) Where is your trust this day? Who will see you through your trials? Will you pray to your Maker and ask Him to be with you?

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