All posts tagged: memories

Christmas: My Miracle

We all look for some little miracle during the Christmas season. Even if it’s the miracle of our spouse remembering what we really wanted under the tree, or just remembering again the miracle of Jesus’s birth in a stable manger. We want to see a miracle. It’s the season for miracles. Well, would you like to hear about my Christmas miracle this year? It’s quite a story of brokenness and redemption. The gift of miracles when it seemed all hope was lost. As I’ve reminisced and revisited memories of this past year in two letters written to two different women who have also tragically lost, I’ve shared my heart about the events of 2015 and how we ended up surviving & arriving at Christmas this year. In these excerpts you’ll see the miracle of this Christmas….   A few days or weeks, time was a blur, after Heidi’s sudden death I was able to visualize the whole event in my mind. For a while I blocked it, which is a common response to trauma. I …

Sunset: Intuitive Art

This evening we were cruising along the country hill roads to a friend’s house for dinner, and I sat in the back with Everley since we didn’t bring her apnea monitor (for longer drives we feel safer keeping her hooked up if she’s slumped or sleeping in the carseat). As the sun was setting behind those blue hued mountains, the low clouds had that slight mauve, lavender gray shade, which always makes me think of my Heidi girl. Her nursery was a woodsy lavender theme (see here:┬áSneak Peek: Nursery Picks). While staring at the clouds, thinking of Heidi and how much I miss her, I felt a tightening grip on my finger; my girl Everley had taken hold of my finger and would not let go. I suddenly had a flashback to holding Heidi in my arms and feeling her firm grasp of my shirt while nursing, and then I remembered a powerful moment after she was gone of staring at those same mountains with those same clouds and hearing in my mind as if …

First Birthday: a Letter

Dear Heidi, This day last year I was nursing you, snuggling you, praying over you, smelling you, kissing you. It’s hard to believe an entire year has passed in between that moment and now. An entire year of not being with you. 361 days without you in my arms. I miss you, Heidi girl. You know what? Your arrival into this world was just so crazy! You totally caught me by surprise, girlfriend. You’d been a bun in the oven for 38 weeks, and I thought we still had some bake time left. But, nope, you up and decided that since mom had too many brownies on Halloween the caffeine would help you out on the descent. And sure enough did you descend! I knew my body was in the process of preparing to bring you into the world, but I didn’t know you’d come flying. Do you remember that? The truth is, we here on Earth don’t remember those kinds of things, but somehow I suspect that you understand or know a lot of …