This is one of those awkward times in life. I look in the mirror and I wonder, “Who’s that??” I’ve always been tall and thin, classic with a bit of flare, fair skinned and peachy, unwilling to be a model or make too much of my looks. But being pregnant with my third in three years has changed my physique so much that I’m like, “Whoa. I look fat. I never ever thought I would look like this.” Some of you are like, “Welcome to the club, sister. It’s called womanhood.”Okay, yes, I agree with you. I find myself pep-talking. “It is a privilege to be pregnant. It’s a privilege to carry this son of ours. It’s okay to go through changes. It’s okay to feel different. Life is full of flux. This is one stage of many fluctuating parts of life. Just roll with it.” (pun intended) I look at pictures of myself from just nine months ago when my husband and I had the delightful fourth anniversary trip to Hawaii. Where did that …
Autumn is a subdued, settled season for me. The slide from red to orange to brown and then the slump into gray mellows me into contemplative, introverted, creative solitude. How apropos that I should be having my first child during this season as it affords me the luxury of misty mornings, crisp afternoons, subtle evenings; I relax and rest and quietly nest and wait in our little abode on the hill.
I often look myself in the mirror and say, “I can’t believe you’re having a kid. You’re still a kid.” Alas, we are all children when we have children. It seems that is just how God designed it to be. When I was a kid, I really liked to dress up and… imagine that… I still like to dress up! I guess because I never grew up, haha. I’ve been finding new ways to wear outfits with this third trimester belly. Amazingly enough, there are only four more weeks left until Baby Girl’s due date. I wouldn’t be surprised if she delays her debut, so it actually could be seven more weeks till we get to meet her. Ah, C’est la vie. In any case, it seems it’s a gradual change of season from warmer to cooler, and I am still getting by with a few non-maternity sweater tops from last year’s wardrobe and some of my favorite maternity staples.
So, how pregnant am I, anyway?
Was I expecting to be expecting at this time in my life? No way! I had a five year plan, and it did not include shocking pregnancy tests, roller coaster rides of emotions and sickness, motherhood books, birthing classes, belly bands, and bigger bras (but I’ll take the latter if I have to 😉 ) Nevertheless, here I am preggo with a tiny bump to prove it at 17 weeks.