All posts tagged: marriage

Day 5: Own It

Counseling has been one of those things for us. We really really need it. When we were dating we met with a couple who’s 15 years older than we are to talk about relationship stuff- who’s in this triangle? how’s the triangle working? are we making this work for you, me and God, or just one angle of this triangle? You know, good thoughtful stuff like that. Then we met with our church’s teaching elder and his wife to discuss deeper and broader concepts concerning the institution of marriage in the weeks and months leading up to our wedding vows. Then we got married. And it all went out the window.  You’d think we were well prepared and had our act together and matured steadily and easily. But we haven’t. That hasn’t been our story. We’ve WORKED -our asses off- to get good at this marriage thing. We’ve fought and cried and apologized and forgiven and prayed and replayed it and redone it and reworked it.  Professional counseling would’ve helped a lot when we first …

Day 4: Millennial Growth

On the heels of my little humorous Millennial post last night, I’ll share something I’m 21st century passionate about for marriage.  We live in the Age of Information. We have nearly every resource possible at our literal finger tips. YouTube is not of the devil; Facebook is not fake relationships; Instagram is not a facade. The 21st century is really just like every century before us- new inventions, new creations, new opportunities. We can use those resources for good or for evil, but may most of us use it ALL for growth and maturity and truth.  My husband and I make use of podcasts about scripture study and family lifestyle, we make use of YouTube when we can’t attend our regular church service, we make use of Facebook to share our story and connect with people in our community, we use Instagram to journal our family memories. We use the politheria of Social Media to our advantage.  There are plenty of people who allow these resources to unhealthily integrate into their lifestyle. If you are …

Day 2: Suffering Spouse

I remember the stomach ache I had the morning I attended the elite military special operations class graduation that July morning. I became more nauseas as I listened to the Master of Ceremonies gloat and bellow about the absurd pride of this military unit. It was disgusting to me how much weight and glory was put into human striving and human achievement. I didn’t want to see my young husband become part of something that would puff him and make him feel like he had finally achieved the gold standard. I wanted a humble, present, compassionate husband. Instead, I felt that after six months of training and eight months of marriage that I had been given an arrogant pompus-ass for a husband. I never thought I’d see what it was like for my husband to endure rigorous, mind-numbing, grueling militant training that forced him to suffer and willingly suffer and find a way to survive. That was all of six months and then POW training as well. But I witnessed it the day my husband …

Day 1: to Manly

My dearest Manly, I’m starting something new today- for the next 27 days of this October, until our six year anniversary on the 27th, I’ll be writing a tid bit a day about us. About being us. About finding us. About looking forward to us. We often say that we’ve been to hell and back with someone we really didn’t know, haven’t we? We’ve often said that most marriages don’t survive the hell we’ve been through, don’t we? We often say that we don’t know how we’ve been staying in it and going through it like we have, haven’t we? Somehow through all this shit of spending months apart as newlyweds, of having bad habits and poor attitudes, of arguing with each other and being hurt by each other, of getting pregnant when we didn’t want to be, of waking up to our daughter being gone, of tragically trying to save her life, of going home void and lifeless without our daughter, of conceiving and trying to save our second daughter, of buying and fixing …

Easter: Pictures & Prayer

Have I left any of you IGers (Instagrammers 😉) in suspense of what our Easter pics look like? I really wanted to post them the day of, but time stopped while I enjoyed my family, and then the week took off without the down time. Soooo *drum roll please* 🥁 Below 👇🏻 are some of my favorite shots from this Easter. But first ☝🏻 a picture from last year: As I thought about this past year -from Easter 2017 to Easter 2018- I was reminded of God’s GOODNESS. And this is a big deal for me to say because I often say to him, “Well, I believe that you’re kind and that you’re gracious. But I don’t know about just down-home good.” It’s like the conversation between the Pevensie children and the Beavers in the book The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe: “Is he safe?”, the children ask, to which the Beaver replies, “Safe! Oh no. He’s not safe. But he is good, very good.” And so it is for me- doubt comes in …

Better :: Broken

Much of this life that we’re now living – where we live and the way we do family and the way we handle our grief and how we live with hope – would not be possible if it weren’t for counseling. Counseling is tough stuff. It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not for the selfishly minded. It’s not for know-it-alls. Counseling is for folks who are broken and looking for help. And we were so devastatingly broken when we began professional counseling in 2014. Prior to Heidi’s death, we had participated in informal counseling with the teaching elder of our church and his wife; and we’d sought out consistent counseling from a couple older than ourselves during our dating years. But losing Heidi threw us onto the couch of a professional counselor who had experience as a cop in domestic violence and trauma, who had been through seminary, who is a trained clinical marital and family counselor. We needed counseling desperately, and this particular counselor was the man for the job, as it …

Picture: a day

I’m going to be trying a new thing here on my blog- Posting a picture a day with a few thoughts attached to it. I’ve used my Facebook blog-page as a “sounding board” or “launch pad” for some topics that I’d like to write more about. But I really love my little blog -it started out like a craft project for me or like a collage of pictures and artwork from my home- and I want to continue using this place for most of my writing. The reality at this stage of my life with such young children is that I rarely have time to put two thoughts together much less finish a sentence. Some of you readers know of this dilemma 😉 So I’m going to attempt sharing simple thoughts and perspective from little snapshots in my part of the world. I hope you’ll tune in next time as I journal along this journey of having a family, living with grief, learning from God, and throwing with clay… all while renovating an old farmhouse …

Why :: Write

I had a recent conversation with someone I love & respect, and in this conversation I was being prodded and challenged to consider why I write what I write. I was taken aback that my loved one didn’t understand the backbone of my writings. It was jarring to me and I’ve taken a backseat to think things through. Why DO I blog? What am I trying to convey to readers? What do I care about in my own life? Why do I verbalize the raw parts of my life? So, I’ll share my journal notes to myself about why I blog and then you can comment about what you think of it. How’s that? Discussion is good. Feedback is good. Sometimes I feel like I’m just blogging out into the void, but then some of you write to me privately about your own stories and your own inspirations. That means a lot to me. I think that most of the time I write for therapeutic reasons and as a form of artistic outlet, but I …

Be :: Mine

Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? I don’t actually know, I’m embarrassed to admit. I know of Saint Valentine and I know of the old practice, spreading love to all. What that morphed into in my family was Daddy bringing flowers home in a crystal vase for Mom, boxes of chocolates, Hallmark cards with sappy sayings, and stuffed animals for me 💕 What it has looked like in my marriage is another thing… Manly, truthfully, sucks at holidays & gift-giving. It’s just not his thing. And he’s not trying to be rude. He just doesn’t think of it ahead of time, and then when it’s rolled around he asks, “Oh is that today?” If left to himself, the holidays would just roll on by. But he’s not left to himself 😉 Enter his sentimental event-planning sappy-card-writing ENFP wife! 🎉 I look forward to every holiday on the calendar with all they entail, the crafty ideas, the fancy recipes, the silly traditions, the obligatory photos. SO, here’s the deal: Manly is married to me and those …