All posts tagged: faith

Tomorrow :: Hope

Here I sit late at night, when I should be in bed, by the native pine that’s now drooping with the weight of homemade, wooden and yarn ornaments of memories from the past four Christmases. In the dim light of the twinkling tree I hear the quiet of the countryside and the chimes from the wind blowing by. And I’m thinking about “2016”, “Happy New Year, ” and “Hope for Tomorrow”…. You may say, “2014 was horrible because your daughter died. But 2015 was beautiful because your second daughter lived.” And then you might wonder, “So aren’t you happy about the future?” It’s difficult to explain, and if you’ve never lost like I have, you just won’t understand. But try to understand, just a little. We who suffer every day the devastating truth that our loved one is gone and is not coming back to us here look on to the future in a very different light. We are hopeful yet burdened, we are grateful yet bitter, we are healing yet wounded, we are blooming …

The Mommy Diaries

They say that you glow when you’re pregnant … I don’t know that I’ve been glowing. Or at least, I don’t know that I’ve been rejoicing as much as I’ve been resisting. You see, I really didn’t want to get pregnant. Not only that, I didn’t want to have to change. Not a damn thing. I just wanted to keep going on my merry way of self-justification and entitlement. Well, I guess that’s had to change … Is it a glow when God smacks me across the face with a dose of gracious sovereignty? Or are those just stinging rosy cheeks?