Marriage
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Mr DeClutter vs Ms TalkItOut 

After finishing his breakfast and depositing his dishes onto the counter, he began flinging wide the cabinet doors, inspecting collections of dishware, pulling out all cutlery, and throwing away pens and twistyties…


This is my husband. Mr DeClutter himself. 

They should make a commercial of his frenetic cleaning skills.


I walked into the chaos as he threw up his hands in disgust, “This kitchen needs a makeover! There are junk drawers, and piles of business cards we never use, utensils we don’t use anymore, way too many mugs, and…”


Okay, I got the picture. I started to ask some preliminary questions to make sure we were on the same page, “Is this a project you’d like to do today? Is this something you’d like to work on together? What do you think the five main problem areas are of this room?”


You see, I’m the Talk-It-Out Plan-It-Out Girl and he’s the Throw-It-In-a-Massive-Pile-Get-Mad-About-It-Tear-It-Apart-Put-It-Back-Together-Again Guy. 

Yea. 


So we pulled a little Chip & Joanna Gaines here. You’ve heard them talk about their marriage, right? Total opposites. Couldn’t be more different. Choose to be a team. Match made in heaven. 

So my husband and I did a little roll playing exercise that our counselor had taught us to do so that we will communicate more effectively and stay on the same page. 


I walked out of the room (to get my coffee, very important) and walked back into the kitchen:

“Hi, Manly. Wow. Looks like you’ve got a project going on here. What’s up?”

“Hey Babe, I was just looking around the kitchen thinking that it could be spruced up a little. I’d like to take a couple hours to work on this. Would you be willing to join me?”

“Sure I would!”

And off we went and we had a great time doing it together. 


You know those moments when your spouse starts to cop out and shut down, “Well, you’re not compromising! I wanted it this way!” 


Hey, when moments like that come up with yourself or your spouse, don’t let yourself or the other person get away with it. Say something like, “It’s really tough to work as a team when we talk like that. I’d love to do this together. If we can’t compromise on that right now, let’s focus on a different aspect of this project together, okay?”


Problem solving is something we suck at as humans. We think of ourselves first. We’re selfish. That doesn’t help problem solving. 


But if we want to do something well, like organize our house or help our spouse or plan a family event, we’ve gotta work together as a team. My husband and I work pretty darn hard on sticking together as a unit, and it’s very challenging.

But hey, we role play like robots, declutter drawers, dust the vases, and actually enjoy being together – that’s what counts in the end. ☺️

Don’t mind the leftover tray of brownies ;P

1 Comment

  1. Linda-Lee Bowman says

    So your dad said we all need to do that better. Our moving project has exposed our fatigue in this area, because the cluter (read: chaos) has worn both of us to a frazzle. But you’ve encouraged us to get back to what we know is the way to move toward oneness. Kind communication always wins.

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