Grief
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Easter: Pictures & Prayer

Have I left any of you IGers (Instagrammers 😉) in suspense of what our Easter pics look like? I really wanted to post them the day of, but time stopped while I enjoyed my family, and then the week took off without the down time. Soooo *drum roll please* 🥁

Below 👇🏻 are some of my favorite shots from this Easter. But first ☝🏻 a picture from last year:

As I thought about this past year -from Easter 2017 to Easter 2018- I was reminded of God’s GOODNESS. And this is a big deal for me to say because I often say to him, “Well, I believe that you’re kind and that you’re gracious. But I don’t know about just down-home good.” It’s like the conversation between the Pevensie children and the Beavers in the book The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe: “Is he safe?”, the children ask, to which the Beaver replies, “Safe! Oh no. He’s not safe. But he is good, very good.”

And so it is for me- doubt comes in and steals my joy from the present moment where there is peace and light. But this Easter -though I’m a busy mother of young children and somewhat sleep deprived- I was so happy and so glad in the Lord’s goodness to us.

This time last year I was terrified. I was pregnant with my third in three years and I did NOT want to have a baby. Nevertheless, God had already had something else in mind for our family. I was mainly terrified of not having a home birth. I desperately wanted to relive the privilege I’d had of giving birth at home to my dear Heidi. Giving birth to her was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life, and it was over top a tile bathroom floor 🤦🏻‍♀️ I know. I sound crazy. But anyway! This time last year my husband’s health was in serious crises as a result of Heidi’s traumatic death; so I was traversing the pregnancy and most of its challenges alone while supporting my fragile husband (yet again) and caring for our toddler daughter. I would never want to relive those months again.

BUT God. He was so good to us. He gave us the help we needed then for my husband’s needs, he provided an INCREDIBLE midwife who was equipped to handle the seriousness of our situation, he caused my husband to not only change but also to support and endure with me through to the end of the birth, AND he blessed me with such a delightful son. God has been, indeed, good.

He is entitled to orchestrate things as he pleases and there are -and there will be- things I just don’t understand in this life. And that honestly scares me to my core. But in his grace and in his mercy he has provided for me. He deserves to be known and recognized and praised for such a good gift.

I hope you had a lovely Easter… But in case it wasn’t or you’re mad at God or you’re wondering if you’ll ever see the light again… Can I pray for you?

God, no one is alone in their suffering and I pray that you’ll show us how low you crouch in the dark corner where we’ve been weeping. You hear our cries – you heard them from heaven and you heard them from the cross. You came to rescue us and you did that by suffering beyond what is humanly possible. You were a man well acquainted with grief and sorrow. Jesus, you are here for us today, tomorrow, and the next day. May my friend find you to be true and to be good. Amen.

-BBM

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