Child Loss

Think back to a time in history when there was limited understanding of the human body and medical science. Diseases spread rampantly. Women died in child birth. Babies died before they were born or not long after. Children did not live to adulthood. Death was a significant part of life.

It is difficult for the mind to comprehend the death of someone so young. Why couldn’t that baby thrive? Why couldn’t that child grow older? Why did those parents have to bury their own children? Even with the advancement of medical expertise, young lives are still lost due to unknown causes or undetected illnesses or tragic accidents.

The reality of death strikes the hearts of bystanders. We hate the finality of death; we hate being forced to say goodbye when we aren’t ready to say goodbye. Death steals our innocence.

The death of a baby is mourned, quite simply, because parents have lost their future. They have lost their hopes and dreams for that child and their life with her. Forever more, parents feel a vulnerability to all the perils in life. Losing a loved one is no longer an abstract thought. A bad thing happened to good people. It happened to them. They fear it, or other sad events can occur in their lives again. – When A Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Helping

The most wrenching part about the death of a child is that there is no closure. The child did not experience the many family Christmases, all his birthdays, high school graduation, owning her first car, becoming an adult and living successfully. The parents are left with open-ended dreams and incomplete memories. There is no closure in grieving the loss of a child. Today and tomorrow are haunted by “What could have been?”

My firstborn daughter passed away of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). There is not much I can say. Why did she die? What caused her to not wake up from her sleep? What could we have done differently? If we had, would she have lived past infancy? Why did this happen to us? Why did we have to say goodbye so unexpectedly, so tragically?

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We will never have the answers to those questions here on Earth. But I believe, and find solace in knowing, that she is in Heaven and that I will see her again when I die. This life, however long, is really quite short. There is Hope that though this life is full of trials there will be rest and peace and satisfaction on the other side.

I have found great comfort in knowing that my daughter Heidi Lee is safe; she is happy and well where she is and she understands the nature of the Creator far better than I do at this point. She’s the child I’ll never worry about getting sick, making poor choices, having the right group of friends, being accepted, finding her niche, being happy and fulfilled. She is complete where she is now, and she is safe in the Savior’s arms! This is the glorious Truth that sustains me and compels me to climb out of the pit of grief.

I’ve created this blog in memory of Heidi Lee, the treasure that she is to me as a mother, the inspiration her short sweet life has been to me, and the hope of eternity she has ignited in my heart. I hope that through her legacy I will be able to share with you the Truth that shines in dark places and the Grace that does not give up.

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience but shouts to us in our pain. – C.S. Lewis

The passing of my daughter has marked my life forever after, and I journey this life a scarred woman. Grief is a lonely path and pain is a temperamental friend. But I will rejoice that my daughter is well, that she is mine, and that God carries me and her now and for all eternity.

Many know how fondly I loved my daughter; and this love has not been extinguished by her death, but continues to be nourished by sorrow and ardent desires. – Philip Melanchthon

 

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