All posts filed under: Motherhood

Little Bear :: Birth Story

Part 1: I rediscovered these pictures taken by my husband just a few hours after our son’s home birth. There’s more to the story, but the gist here is that Gatlin (Little Bear) was born very fast- like lightening speed fast- and as a result had a hard time waking up to his new surroundings… My Midwife wanted to see him nurse, but he wasn’t giving that sort of enthusiastic response, so she called our pediatrician and discussed over the phone how to proceed. They decided together to have him further evaluated at the local hospital… Our pediatrician has been so good to our family since the loss of our Heidi. He understands us very well and is always encouraging. He met my husband and Midwife at the hospital and discussed the lab results with the ER doc; in the end, our pediatrician said with a twinkle in his eye, “Well, he could stay here over night, but none of you can nurse him! Best for him to be home where he belongs.”  Two great …

Happy Birthday, Sugar

Oh, Sugar. Oh, Honey-Bunches-of-Oats. You’ve been the cream in my coffee all year long. What a delightful year it was.  Your one year birthday celebration was a smash hit with about 60 people here to commemorate your special life and to rejoice in God’s good gifts to this family. All are smitten with you- your infectious smile and almond shaped eyes and thick eyebrows and rosy cheeks and endearing little voice.  At your birthday last year you were just a crawler and the “Nap Queen,” so your jammies say. Truly, you were delightful every day with your amiable disposition, fascination with the world around you, satisfied little laugh, and seemingly perceptive sense of humor.  After your birthday bash, you and I had a quiet month of September at home, attending story hour at the library, baking goodies, making friends. Then we had a whirlwind of October on our trip to Aunti Gina’s in Newport Beach followed by a two week separation for the anniversary HI trip when you stayed home with GaGa & Mongie (as …

Dear :: Son

Happy due date, Dear Son.  You’ve been given it to your Mama easy, Bud, and I gotta thank you for it. You’re my first “normal” baby- your sisters both had traumatic events, whether leaving or entering, and so far with you it’s been a nice flow and fairly predictable. You’re a quiet little fella who doesn’t cry much or for long and you seem pretty content hanging by yourself when you need to. It’s probably tougher being an infant than most of us think, considering you can’t do anything for yourself. I imagine that when you fuss and hear me whisper in your ear, “It’s okay, Bud. Mama’s got you” that you relax and know you’re cared for; I imagine that when I scoop you up and hold you close that you feel safe and understood; I imagine that when I wipe your bum and then finish the job with kisses on your cheeks and gentle words that you know all is done in love and that the unpleasant things aren’t a threat; I imagine …

from Thin :: to Fat

This is one of those awkward times in life. I look in the mirror and I wonder, “Who’s that??” I’ve always been tall and thin, classic with a bit of flare, fair skinned and peachy, unwilling to be a model or make too much of my looks. But being pregnant with my third in three years has changed my physique so much that I’m like, “Whoa. I look fat. I never ever thought I would look like this.” Some of you are like, “Welcome to the club, sister. It’s called womanhood.”Okay, yes, I agree with you. I find myself pep-talking. “It is a privilege to be pregnant. It’s a privilege to carry this son of ours. It’s okay to go through changes. It’s okay to feel different. Life is full of flux. This is one stage of many fluctuating parts of life. Just roll with it.” (pun intended) I look at pictures of myself from just nine months ago when my husband and I had the delightful fourth anniversary trip to Hawaii. Where did that …

Why :: Write

I had a recent conversation with someone I love & respect, and in this conversation I was being prodded and challenged to consider why I write what I write. I was taken aback that my loved one didn’t understand the backbone of my writings. It was jarring to me and I’ve taken a backseat to think things through. Why DO I blog? What am I trying to convey to readers? What do I care about in my own life? Why do I verbalize the raw parts of my life? So, I’ll share my journal notes to myself about why I blog and then you can comment about what you think of it. How’s that? Discussion is good. Feedback is good. Sometimes I feel like I’m just blogging out into the void, but then some of you write to me privately about your own stories and your own inspirations. That means a lot to me. I think that most of the time I write for therapeutic reasons and as a form of artistic outlet, but I …

Parenting: Tips & Tricks

I’ve been thinking this morning about some of the tips & tricks of parenting that were modeled & taught to me the years before I became a parent. I’m no expert on parenting, obviously, being at the beginning of my journey. But I appreciate those who’ve shared their stories of trials, failures & triumphs with me. I try to think of the bigger picture and life principles as I build into my family. I’m surely not always good at that. But hey, what else can you do as a parent than put your best foot forward?  My mom (one of my many role-models) is in her 70s and, boy, does she have some pearls of wisdom (raised three boys and a girl, how could she not!). She’s one of those that’s made herself a student of life, and when we were kids she made herself a student of early childhood development. In my opinion, that’s a subject she’s well-versed in and can share a good deal of wisdom about. Something simple she taught me concerning …

The Mama Diaries 

I’ve been mulling over the coming new year and what that means to me as a mom. What it means to me as Everley’s mom. Naturally, I think about the new shoes and outfits she’ll be able to wear; the dresses I bought her when she was tiny and she probably won’t fit them till this summer; the dolls she’ll play with more than she does now and the skills she’ll discover the more she plays; the bigger smiles and the louder giggles that she’s sure to produce; the adventures we’ll take together on play dates and family vacations… It will be a whole new year of exciting discovery with EveyMarie, and I am ready! More than just the fun stuff… I’m mulling over what I want her to know about the world around her, even at this early age, and what I want her to understand about herself and others.  One simple little thing that I’ve been noticing lately in our interactions – which does have to do with the world, herself, and others- …

Honey :: Bunches 

Dearest Little Person, You amaze me. I marvel that you’re here. You and I both made it through your traumatic birth, and those incubator days, and nursing around the clock, and NICU visits, and sleepless nights, and wailing episodes, and crazy Costco runs, and Christmas living-room dance jams, and all the rest of it. We’ve been through a lot already and you’re just 15 months!  You crack me up, too, you know that? You’ll look like your dad with that low scowl as if “caution” is written across your forehead and then the next minute you’ll look like me with a Cheshire grin and a twinkle in your eye. So are you both stubborn and charming? That’s okay if you are…. I’m already trying to understand you and we’re nowhere near the 15 year old eye rolls.  You know what your favorite thing to do is every morning? Or really this applies to any time you wake up and I lift you out of the crib- You love to wave and say “Hi!” to all …

Winter’s War :: Self vs Truth

 Since it’s Halloween and we’re stuck on the plane for several hours, I thought I’d enjoy a bit of dark drama. (The sort of “dark” that I like.)  The Huntsman: Winter’s War. Have you seen it? Chris Hemsworth- SWOON. Valiant and courageous, long haired and chiseled (takes me back to elementary school and my undying crush on Sully from Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman).  Okay. Enough of that. The story of The Huntsman precedes “Happily Ever After;” a tale about what comes before Snow White’s castle of dreams; it’s about love and evil at war. In my opinion, the main plot isn’t about the huntsman. And the story isn’t merely a fairy tale either. It’s symbolic. It’s revealing.  Fairy tales capture my visual senses, taking me into another time and place, revealing to me truths about my own world. The war of love versus evil in this fairy tale centers around the lust for power, the lust for what one does not have, the lust for oneself… Facts of life we relate to in our own …

Vlog: Birth Stories

Birth stories are just fun to tell. I’ve had two crazy unique experiences from birthing at home to a cesarean after hemorrhaging. Here are a couple highlights from my experiences: feeling like the Hulk while giving birth laughing at my husband in between contractions giving birth standing on one leg admitting myself to the hospital when I was terrified  trusting God with the unexplained  I’m pretty animated as I share these experiences with you. I hope what I’ve shared inspires you today- get some good laughs, love on your littles, pray to Jesus, hope when you feel there’s none. Blessings, friends <3