Why do we celebrate Valentine’s Day? I don’t actually know, I’m embarrassed to admit. I know of Saint Valentine and I know of the old practice, spreading love to all. What that morphed into in my family was Daddy bringing flowers home in a crystal vase for Mom, boxes of chocolates, Hallmark cards with sappy sayings, and stuffed animals for me 💕 What it has looked like in my marriage is another thing…
Manly, truthfully, sucks at holidays & gift-giving. It’s just not his thing. And he’s not trying to be rude. He just doesn’t think of it ahead of time, and then when it’s rolled around he asks, “Oh is that today?” If left to himself, the holidays would just roll on by. But he’s not left to himself 😉 Enter his sentimental event-planning sappy-card-writing ENFP wife! 🎉
I look forward to every holiday on the calendar with all they entail, the crafty ideas, the fancy recipes, the silly traditions, the obligatory photos. SO, here’s the deal: Manly is married to me and those things are important to me. I don’t expect him to get it, and I don’t expect him to entirely change, suddenly bursting forth with flowers, chocolates, and blown glass (an inside joke). But I do expect him to go along with it, a twinkle in his eye and a charmed smile. Here’s why:
It got me thinking this Valentine’s, since I orchestrated the day with a babysitter and a series of events for the two of us to do, that I NEED him. I don’t need him to be perfect or to be romantic all the time or to show love in all the right ways. I just need him- I need his companionship, friendship, closeness, listening ear, heartfelt thoughts. I need him to get me and I need to get him.
You know what I mean?
Our day together on Valentine’s also got me to thinking about the famous Evangelical mindset that “God is all you need,” and “What your husband doesn’t fulfill, God will provide for you.”
My main response to that is “Bullshit.” But let me explain. Since I am married, I expect my husband to intimately engage with me, and that is an expectation every married woman should have of her spouse. This is, at times, difficult for my husband. But I choose to invest in the intimacy and integrity of our relationship, and I partly do that with love notes & date-planning on Valentine’s. God gave us to each other, and our job in marriage is to continue pursuing each other, asking for help, digging deeper, finding our groove, choosing to open up, spending time together, speaking each others’ love language, satisfying one another with good things, rejoicing in our union.
We DO need our spouse, and that is a God-designed desire. If there is humility & integrity in your marriage, pursue your spouse with love and foster that companionship. I love my Manly, flowers or no flowers, and I appreciate his character. If I had to plan the Valentine’s Day date, so be it. But at least we were together, and you know what, at the end of the day (no matter the holiday) that’s all he wants anyway ❤