Author: BleuBird Mama

If: You Get a Dog

If you get yourself a dog, you’ll say to yourself, “He’s so cute and cuddly. I love having a dog.” When he piddles in the middle of the floor, you’ll think twice. But only for a second or two.  When you first teach him how to obey, you’ll be so pleased with his learner’s spirit. After you’ve run out of treats, you’ll wonder if he actually knows how to obey.  And when he goes out for exercise and business, you’ll ask him, “Why are you leading me? How do you already know how to get there?” You’ll show him how to follow over and over and hope he pipes down the sniffer.  At home he’ll be such a sweet snuggler, warming himself in the crook of your arm and nuzzling your nose. You’ll find yourself saying, “I love you no matter what, always and forever.” But then he’ll get board and chew your work boots and kill a chicken or two. You’ll ask yourself why you got the dog in the first place.  When a …

Mr DeClutter vs Ms TalkItOut 

After finishing his breakfast and depositing his dishes onto the counter, he began flinging wide the cabinet doors, inspecting collections of dishware, pulling out all cutlery, and throwing away pens and twistyties… This is my husband. Mr DeClutter himself.  They should make a commercial of his frenetic cleaning skills. I walked into the chaos as he threw up his hands in disgust, “This kitchen needs a makeover! There are junk drawers, and piles of business cards we never use, utensils we don’t use anymore, way too many mugs, and…” Okay, I got the picture. I started to ask some preliminary questions to make sure we were on the same page, “Is this a project you’d like to do today? Is this something you’d like to work on together? What do you think the five main problem areas are of this room?” You see, I’m the Talk-It-Out Plan-It-Out Girl and he’s the Throw-It-In-a-Massive-Pile-Get-Mad-About-It-Tear-It-Apart-Put-It-Back-Together-Again Guy.  Yea.  So we pulled a little Chip & Joanna Gaines here. You’ve heard them talk about their marriage, right? Total opposites. Couldn’t …

Through: the Forest

You know that phrase, “seeing the trees through the forest”? We referred to it often when I was a Vision Therapist. Sometimes we are so focused on the tree in front of us and the tree to our left and the tree to our right that we become overwhelmed… as a result we’ve lost perspective and we’ve gotten lost in the forest of trees. We’re no longer seeing the trees that make up the whole forest. (In Vision Therapy this is known as central focus and parafieral awareness 😉)  The holiday season for us is much like this phenamanon. We tend to just see all the trees -sadness, despair, loss, misery- and no forest -God who is sovereign over these emotions. Or we see a thick dense forest of pain and anger that will consume us and we miss the individual trees of blessing and hope.  It is difficult to explain to those who have not suffered during the holiday season how much resentment, turmoil, and bitterness is wrapped up under the cheer, lights, ornaments, …

Honey :: Bunches 

Dearest Little Person, You amaze me. I marvel that you’re here. You and I both made it through your traumatic birth, and those incubator days, and nursing around the clock, and NICU visits, and sleepless nights, and wailing episodes, and crazy Costco runs, and Christmas living-room dance jams, and all the rest of it. We’ve been through a lot already and you’re just 15 months!  You crack me up, too, you know that? You’ll look like your dad with that low scowl as if “caution” is written across your forehead and then the next minute you’ll look like me with a Cheshire grin and a twinkle in your eye. So are you both stubborn and charming? That’s okay if you are…. I’m already trying to understand you and we’re nowhere near the 15 year old eye rolls.  You know what your favorite thing to do is every morning? Or really this applies to any time you wake up and I lift you out of the crib- You love to wave and say “Hi!” to all …

Clay :: Lessons

Winter is setting in and since I currently keep my kick wheel on the front porch I have fewer and fewer opportunities to throw. This makes me rather sad. Such is the plight of a small country homeowner and young mama. A)Tiny house + big wheel B)Busy mama + bustling baby. Both factors are limiting.  However, I try to throw and trim and glaze whenever I get the chance. I love working the craft. It’s a satisfying process for me.  Pottery has become a deeply spiritual experience for me. I ask God before I throw, “Show me yourself. Show me how you are the Potter and how I am the clay. Mold and shape my life.” This poor little pitcher was a flop. Chubby wubby was a pitcher, chubby wubby was its handle. If you ever make a handle, don’t do it like that. I keep pieces like this so that I can examine my mistakes and experiment with the firing process; on this pitcher I’ve experimented for the first time with my underglaze watercolors.  …

Forever :: Friendship

It is difficult for our friends – who have not lost or suffered greatly – to understand and enter into the pain of those of us who are grieving. What can they do to lighten our darkness? What can they say to give hope? How can they unlock the cold devastation that has quarantined us? — My best best friend and I have a unique and unusual friendship. We have literally known each other our entire lives. We’ve never known life without each other. Born two months apart, our parents members of the same church, growing up the first five years in the same county, remaining pen pals half a world apart for eight years, living together part of high school, meeting our spouses online and marrying six months apart qualifies us as the most bonded best friends ever. In our opinion 😉 We’re quite obviously sisters from another mother since we’re a foot apart in height, she’s the natural beauty and I’m plain jane.  But when Heidi died I didn’t hear from her. My …

Free: As a Bird 

Did you get a chance to follow along with us on Instagram during our adventures in Maui? My husband and I took off -leaving kid, kitties, puppies and chickens to fend with grandparents- for a ten day island vacation/anniversary retreat.  We needed it. We needed a break from life. We needed an oasis for our marriage.  Thankfully all participants survived this experience and all, mostly all, have settled back into good ol’ farm life.  Maybe you knew- my husband and I arrived home from our long journey on our daughter Heidi’s birthday. She is two years old and celebrating the beauty of two in Heaven. We had scheduled our trip around her birthday so that we would be home in time for it, in time to do something special in commemoration. But airplane mechanics got the better of our “best laid plans,” so we were delayed a couple days; which meant that our crash landing into reality left us jet lagged, frustrated, and disoriented. We hit the ground painfully hard with a literal nail in …

Winter’s War :: Self vs Truth

 Since it’s Halloween and we’re stuck on the plane for several hours, I thought I’d enjoy a bit of dark drama. (The sort of “dark” that I like.)  The Huntsman: Winter’s War. Have you seen it? Chris Hemsworth- SWOON. Valiant and courageous, long haired and chiseled (takes me back to elementary school and my undying crush on Sully from Doctor Quinn Medicine Woman).  Okay. Enough of that. The story of The Huntsman precedes “Happily Ever After;” a tale about what comes before Snow White’s castle of dreams; it’s about love and evil at war. In my opinion, the main plot isn’t about the huntsman. And the story isn’t merely a fairy tale either. It’s symbolic. It’s revealing.  Fairy tales capture my visual senses, taking me into another time and place, revealing to me truths about my own world. The war of love versus evil in this fairy tale centers around the lust for power, the lust for what one does not have, the lust for oneself… Facts of life we relate to in our own …

DIY: Baby Teepee

Maybe my life seems melancholy to my readers, and I don’t actually want my blog content to be so serious. (Hence, I wrote about my two loveable labs a bit ago “Lick, Love, and Learn” 😉 My life is not dull, in spite of my deeper thoughts, and I only need a mini farm to keep it lively around here.  I’m up at the crack of dawn just about every day for the gardening, chickens, and other animals. Shortly after I’m up so is the tiny two-legged one 😉 There’s lots of action here to be had. And I go to bed utterly exhausted.  However, last night I really wanted to finally complete this side project I’ve been working on. I’m not sure why I say “side” project because, the truth is, I am always making something. I see a picture or a design or hear something or think up something and I say to me, myself, and I, “We could make that ourselves!” Yes, it’s very silly. As if I didn’t already have so …

Darker :: Days

When I lay [my] questions before God I get no answer. But a rather special sort of No answer. It is not the locked door. It is more like a silent, certainly not uncompassionate, gaze. As though He shook His head not in refusal but in waving the question. Like, “Peace, child; you don’t understand.” -C.S. Lewis I recently experienced a very heavy darkness that lasted about a month- through E’s first birthday. While Little Hiccup transitions into being a year old, with all the successes and failures of it, I am broken hearted, my soul is downcast within me- that I never got to watch my daughter Heidi grow through those changes.  Not only have I wept, I have also been angry. “Fuck. No one else will have their baby taken from them in the middle of the night. No one else but me. I’m alone. No one knows the depths of my pain.” I have shouted that through the darkness of my soul. If I’m honest with myself, I’m railing at God.  Why? …